How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Man is a social animal. Friends add meaning to one’s life. The ability to influence people is an important skill for one who wants to taste success. This book teaches the subtle art of winning the hearts of people and influencing them through rich examples and thought provoking principles. This book is a must read for anyone who wants to have a successful and meaningful life. It teaches the techniques of reaching out to the other person’s heart and influencing him.

The book starts off with articles explaining how the book was written and how to use the book to your best advantage. The core of the book has four parts. The first part explains the most basic techniques in handling people. The second part explains ways to make people like you. The third part goes on to explain the ways to influence people and get them to your way of thinking. The last part teaches the trails of an effective leader. There are real life experiences of people who have found positive results by applying the principles explained in this book.

You don’t find successful people complaining or condemning other people too often. In fact, they show genuine appreciation to other people. This makes them so attractive that the others develop an eager want to be around such people. If you want people to be interested in you, express honest appreciation. An attitude of cribbing will turn them away from you.

The need for one to feel important often goes unsatisfied. To make someone comfortable, one must first show a genuine interest in the other person. A simple gesture such as a warm smile can go a long way in generating a good first impression. Taking an effort to memorise the names of people and addressing them by name can help in making the other person feel important. One should allow the other person to speak and express. One needs to be a good listener in order to be an influential conversationalist. A good conversationalist talks in terms of the interests of the other person. Such a person is liked by all.

Difference of opinions is common and often lead to arguments. One should understand that winning an argument would only lead to loss of confidence in the other person. Carnegie says that the best way to win an argument is to avoid it. One needs to show respect to the other person’s opinion. Pointing out that a person is wrong would only lead to resentment and disrespect. One should always set ego apart if one needs to build meaningful relationships. You need to admit your mistakes and do so emphatically.

One must always begin in a friendly manner which goes a long way in building relationships. We must let the other person do most of the talking and make him feel that it is his idea. It would help us to bring that person to confidence. The author gives us convincing examples to prove his view.

Most often when we come up with an idea, we fail to and evaluate it in multiple view points. If we need to work wonders with people, we should look at the idea from another person’s point of view. Different people are wired differently. If one shows empathy and understanding of the other person’s view on the idea, it could serve as a great tool to influence people. It takes skill and observation to dramatise your ideas and make it appear beneficial to a larger good. One must master it with patience. If nothing else works, one can challenge the other person.

Influencing people leads to leadership where people feel good doing the things you want them to do. When things go wrong, a good leader should communicate the mistakes with diplomacy. One should begin with appreciation for what has gone right and then call attention to the mistakes indirectly. He should make the mistakes seem easy to correct. He should feel confident to speak about his own mistakes. To be a good leader, one needs to be hearty in approbation and lavish in praise. These are some of the key learning I  got out of this book.

Would you like to make friends quickly and easily? Do you want to be popular and increase your influence? Do you want to learn to be a conversationalist and arouse enthusiasm? Then you must read this book. Dale Carnegie has written a bunch of books on the topic of social engineering. This is his best and most loved book. I do believe that one’s success depends a lot on one’s ability to influence people. If you would like to develop such skills, read this book.

Happy Reading !


Chiraag Kashyap

24th June 2017

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